Or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Exam.
If you have no idea what that is referencing you should brush up on your classic films. There will be a quiz on it next post.
Hope you are all ready for a post that has nothing to do with weddings!
Jess and I have not really had a close, as in proximity, relationship. We have gone from Kansas City/Cleveland, to a few months being around each other, right back to what might be worse than Kansas City’s distance. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a short hour and a half drive away, but the lack of time together, over the phone or skype, has been hard to deal with and I am torn over my feelings on this.
On one hand I am hurt and jealous. I get such a minuscule amount of Jess’s time. I had become accustom to being able to reach her at any moment and that is no longer the case. Between classes, lab time, and study time, I am resigned to mere moments a day and even when I am with her for the weekends I am generally sitting in a study room with her and several others until all hours of the night listening to them prattle on about bones and arteries and other boring stuff. To put it plainly, I feel neglected… Seriously, it is really boring stuff and she doesn’t even bring me good snacks…
But! The other hand! Now the other hand! I know that everything Jess is learning is going to help her succeed. I know that I am sacrificing some time with her now in the hopes that we will have a life together that we will get much more time together. I have the privilege of being one of her closest and strongest supporters. On a more selfish note, I have a whole lot of time to do whatever I want! Which, at this point, is prepare for the GRE and GMAT. After early November I am not sure what I will look to for self betterment, but I am sure I will find something. Maybe I can finally get that ukulele I was wanting…
This weekend was a bit of a breaking point for me. I have spent the past couple weeks being dejected and offended and this culminated in me expressing my dissatisfaction, albeit not well. When I first started having these feelings it was along the lines of, “she never makes time for me” or “I hate that I can never reach her”. I focused on her and that was not the right stance to take. It took some serious introspection and self examination while driving to my client’s site on Sunday for me to really understand what I was feeling. I know that things are not perfect now, nor will they ever be, but that does not mean I can’t make the best of the situation.
One of the big things that I had forgotten was that I need to trust in God. I would not be here, in the position I am in, with the wonderful woman I am with, or with all the blessing I have without Him. There are multitudes of reasons why I should be thanking Him and praising him, but my vision gets too cloudy some times. I get tied up on what’s going on around me and what I want to have happen and forget that it isn’t up to me.
The moral of the story: Medical school is hard on both people in a relationship for different reasons. If you are in my position, keep loving them and get busy with your own interests, even if you have to do it in a study room on campus. If you are on the other side, don’t forget you have a significant other.