Monthly Archives: November 2013

One of my biggest fears

I think it’s strange how I can sense God urging me to notice something. It may take days or months or years, but he always ends up showing me what I need to see. (Like how I needed to come back to Ohio.) In this case I am talking about one of my fears over an issue that I will face as a husband. I know I will face it, not only because so many others do, but also because I know who I am and how much I struggle with it now. So let me take a step back and explain what I saw Him urging me to see.

There have been a rash of posts on Facebook, either sent to me or just on my news feed, that seem to linger for days on end. Not the normal memes or videos, but the heartfelt writings by some guy that was on the way to or did screw up his marriage. I read all of them. Some more than once… He stopped holding her hand. He took her for granted. He was selfish. He stopped cooking her dinner. The list goes on and on.

Somewhere buried in their anecdotes is one of my greatest fears for any relationship I have or anything I do. I am afraid that I will lose interest and stop being motivated and I know that is one of Jess’ fears too. Just take this blog for example. I started it months ago and my posts only number in the teens. If I were truly motivated I wouldn’t have taken the near two month hiatus from writing and I would be networking with other bloggers all over the place.

I think my biggest problem is that I don’t recognize when it is happening until I am already in the thick of it. I get comfortable and stop striving to do better or to even keep doing what I was doing. This is why I haven’t completed that marathon yet. It’s the reason why I’m studying for the GMAT for the third time and still haven’t taken it. It’s why I bail on commitments I have made. I am afraid of what will happen to my marriage if I lose that motivation to be a great husband. Even now i’m anxious over the thought of how I could screw it up.

I don’t have proof that this will happen after we say our vows and I sincerely hope it does not. I have no interest in writing a post about how I could have had a better marriage or how I could have salvaged mine. I would rather keep it to the posts that show how I avoided that all together. How I kept the romance. How I made her the only thing that mattered. How my motivation to be a better husband and man made her want to be a better wife and woman. I want to give every guy out there the inside scoop on how to be happy by leading and loving his wife and I am basing those skills in my pursuit of Christ as my leader.

I’m going to leave you with a piece of advice that I received from a very intelligent man at a point in my life where things were coming apart. He and I would speak about everything going on in my life including my relationships and one day I expressed fears to him that were similar to this and his reply has stuck with me since. He told me to find everything, no matter how mundane, insignificant, or inconsequential, that my girlfriend/fiance/wife did or said to be the most fascinating thing that I had heard all day. Being an active listener makes me more involved in her day and her life. (I suppose this could be used on nearly any relationship. Who doesn’t like to be listened to?) I may not live it every moment, but I come back to it frequently and it does nothing but make my relationships better.

I hope you can take this with you and live better because of it too. Stay motivated.

Oh. And spiders. Spiders are one of my other biggest fears.