Category Archives: Medical School

Never Long Enough

With Labor Day having past yesterday, it seemed to usher in, with little room for doubt, the Autumn of 2013. Thankfully, it also ushered in a holiday from work! But as the title of this post suggests, even long weekends are never long enough.

While Jess and I didn’t take much time for “just us” we did get to spend the weekend doing several wedding related things. We spoke with my parents about a couple things or as Jess put one particularly candid conversation with my mother, “I want to talk about alcohol.” We met with our caterer again and I believe we have most of our menu figured out. The biggest problem before was the price point was far to high, now the only problem is going to be guests not having enough room to enjoy it all!

I am also happy to say we have a cake picked out and ordered. I would love to tell you all what it is going to look like, maybe post a few drawings, possibly tell you what each of the layers will have on it or in it, but I doubt that would be approved for this post. Guess you will just have to wait for the wedding! My least favorite part of the cake tasting was that we only went to taste at one place. I might keep going to the other ones I booked and tell them Jess couldn’t make it… I might not be a huge cake fan, but I am a huge fan free cake and enough free cake makes me a huge… uh… fan…

The other big thing that happened this weekend was it was the first that Jess came to see me. It may not sound like a big deal, but after driving down for 7 straight weeks, it made a huge difference to me. I know that part of my frustration from before was that I felt like I was the only one exerting effort into our relationship. I know that we did stuff together while I was in Athens, but there was nothing that I easily saw as something that was an inconvenience or sacrifice for her. Sure she did do things for me, such as make me meals, but she would be doing that anyhow, or I helped, or I bought the ingredients, or something else that, to me, diminished the value of the act.

Don’t misunderstand me here. I am not saying that there needs to be some cosmic scale in a relationship checking to see who did what with one person being better than the other. For me, it is not about being equal, but it is about knowing what each other is doing for the other. I know that I only experience half of the emotions in this relationship, however, empathy goes a very long way.

As Jess was driving home she called and said, “I better understand what you do every week driving down here and it means alot to me.” I didn’t ask for her to understand but the moment she said that there was a sense of relief and realization that hit me.┬áI wanted her to know what I had done and acknowledge it and I should be working on the same. Maybe I am just now discovering some innate sense of need to feel valued but I hope that I can reciprocate it instead of being turned off to her when she is busy. I hope that I can look at all the time she does give me and say, “I am thankful and blessed to be a part of your life when there are so many other things that could be taking up your time.”

That is all for now but if you want to come enjoy this gorgeous start to fall with me I have an extra chair on my porch and would be happy to share a beer.

Dr. Studylove

Or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Exam.

If you have no idea what that is referencing you should brush up on your classic films. There will be a quiz on it next post.

Hope you are all ready for a post that has nothing to do with weddings!

Jess and I have not really had a close, as in proximity, relationship. We have gone from Kansas City/Cleveland, to a few months being around each other, right back to what might be worse than Kansas City’s distance. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a short hour and a half drive away, but the lack of time together, over the phone or skype, has been hard to deal with and┬áI am torn over my feelings on this.

On one hand I am hurt and jealous. I get such a minuscule amount of Jess’s time. I had become accustom to being able to reach her at any moment and that is no longer the case. Between classes, lab time, and study time, I am resigned to mere moments a day and even when I am with her for the weekends I am generally sitting in a study room with her and several others until all hours of the night listening to them prattle on about bones and arteries and other boring stuff.┬áTo put it plainly, I feel neglected…┬áSeriously, it is really boring stuff and she doesn’t even bring me good snacks…

But! The other hand! Now the other hand! I know that everything Jess is learning is going to help her succeed. I know that I am sacrificing some time with her now in the hopes that we will have a life together that we will get much more time together. I have the privilege of being one of her closest and strongest supporters. On a more selfish note, I have a whole lot of time to do whatever I want! Which, at this point, is prepare for the GRE and GMAT. After early November I am not sure what I will look to for self betterment, but I am sure I will find something. Maybe I can finally get that ukulele I was wanting…

This weekend was a bit of a breaking point for me. I have spent the past couple weeks being dejected and offended and this culminated in me expressing my dissatisfaction, albeit not well. When I first started having these feelings it was along the lines of, “she never makes time for me” or “I hate that I can never reach her”. I focused on her and that was not the right stance to take. It took some serious introspection and self examination while driving to my client’s site on Sunday for me to really understand what I was feeling. I know that things are not perfect now, nor will they ever be, but that does not mean I can’t make the best of the situation.

One of the big things that I had forgotten was that I need to trust in God. I would not be here, in the position I am in, with the wonderful woman I am with, or with all the blessing I have without Him. There are multitudes of reasons why I should be thanking Him and praising him, but my vision gets too cloudy some times. I get tied up on what’s going on around me and what I want to have happen and forget that it isn’t up to me.

The moral of the story: Medical school is hard on both people in a relationship for different reasons. If you are in my position, keep loving them and get busy with your own interests, even if you have to do it in a study room on campus. If you are on the other side, don’t forget you have a significant other.